Chuck Norris was quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan. “What was that for?” he says. “That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it”, she replies. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on”, Chuck explains.

She looks satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later he’s again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold. When Chuck Norris comes to, Chuck says, “What the hell was that for?” “Your horse phoned”.

A very attractive redhead comes in and wants to bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m bottomless.” With that she strips naked from the waist down, and rolls the dice while yelling, “Momma needs a new pair of pants!” She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers. “YES! I WIN! I WIN!” With that she picks up her money and clothes and quickly leaves.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, “What did she roll anyway?” The other answers, “I thought YOU were watching!”

Bill Gates arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Petrus says : You see Bill, we don’t know what to do with you. You may choose “heaven” or “hell”.
Bill peeks in heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. Bill takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling.
So Bill says : I am a gambling man, I want to go to hell! Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into the fire. So Bill says : hey, what the hell is this, I saw all the gambling, the women, and sex?
The devil says: ‘That was just a demo version.”